In Once Upon an Internship, I learned early that sometimes being a software engineer means death by 1000 cuts because you don’t have the power to make it stop. Even the tiniest little things add up to something big – sometimes it’s really death by 1000 paper cuts.
The cuts started early. I’m…
I don’t like what you think of me.
I don’t like what you know me for.
I don’t like the way respected designers in our community think of me.
I don’t like that you don’t know me for my actual work, and even more that you don’t know me for my true gift, my music.
I don’t like that I spend so much time on this community, instead of on my own happiness, my truest love, my music.
But, like the statement @snookca once made me aware of, “it is what it is.” I can choose to fight it, or I can find the silver lining. I know what that is.
I am an empath. I didn’t know what this was until I saw an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, the one with Famke Janssen. Watching her character take on the feelings of those she met, to the point of death, I could relate to feeling that way, that overcome by the feelings of others. When I go to a large public gathering, I am overwhelmed, dizzied, by so many sensations.
This is valuable for me as a musician. I can communicate what I experience. I can envision what others might, often quite accurately. My voice expresses tremendous feeling (the music critics approve).
My empathy serves me well as a designer and developer, but some don’t relate to it as quite such a valuable skill. Some think it’s all about code. Heh. I have the most under-rated developer’s skill. I’m quite valuable, and it’s not an easy tool to wield. It scares some. I’ve had people think I ran background checks on them because I can express what they feel/think. Silly people.
Hell, no. That would be like telling gold not to gleam.
So, more power to people like me, such as @erin and @ashedryden. We feel what some dare not. We experience what terrifies many. We stand up to those bullies. We are the canaries in the coal mine, and we have the capacity to save you from yourselves. ;)
(Okay, got a little grandiose there… but it felt good.)
And thanks to @denisejacobs and @kennwhite, I’m going to spend much more time on what feeds my soul and nourishes me, and as a side benefit has helped so many others. ♡
How many times am I going to be asked to remove *that* blog post?