The cosmos has a twisted sense of humor. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been thrown some really screwed up situations. Maybe I brought them on myself. Some certainly do see it that way. My IQ is sufficiently high, and I’ve accomplished enough in my life, that I’d seriously question that idea. I do not like drama. I watch TNT, and when I’ve had enough, I turn off the damned thing. Having human beings in my life provides plenty of drama, TYVM.
In 2011, I re-met the love of my life, the one man I always thought I could fall in love with, if things had gone differently. It turned out he believed the same thing, about me. Timing is everything, as is communication. I communicated boundaries, what consequences would be, discussed repercussions and associations. There was no way for me to realize that he wasn’t capable of thinking beyond the end of his, <cough>, nose. I really didn’t think he was like that.
So, I got screwed. And not in any pleasurable way. For months, I was under a degree of stress that I thought was going to end, that I just had to support my beloved while he tried to accomplish something very difficult, and encountered resistance. Then things switched. My body must have decided the sand had run out of the glass… Heartbreak, shingles. I’ve never been so sick in my entire life. I wished for death. I still do, trying to pick up the pieces of my life. Abandoned, homeless, out of work, broke, and completely confused. This is where the real magic begins, or so the movies & books would have you believe. I’m at the bottom of life, grateful for the couch I sleep on, at the mercy of a dear friend.
If you have family who have never violated ultimate boundaries, significant others who trust you enough to show you their worst, a job that challenges you, a dog who gazes lovingly at you — you are blessed. I hope to join your ranks again someday.
I consider myself a designer who codes. “Developer” is (in my mind) someone who can write JavaScript without just cutting & pasting, following directions. Sure, it is something I aspire to, but without a JavaScript Obi-wan, I will forever just look on wistfully. I can read, learn, code — on-my-own — for a while, but to really use it, I’ll need to work alongside someone who really knows their stuff. Even CSS, I’ve discovered “best practices” seem to be a subjective style, particularly when discussing CSS3 and responsive techniques. Everyone has an opinion, what works for them, and that’s just how it goes.
As far as design, that is definitely subjective. Designers have a style, there are trends, there are other styles out there — and a client can tell you what they like and want, and even if it isn’t your style, you can deliver it. It’s wonderful when a client comes to me because they actually like my style, although I don’t see it as “my style,” rather I evaluate their own goals, their audience, and work toward something that will serve them for at least five years. That’s what I’m thinking, anyway.
Recently, I worked on a project where I was the developer. The project was under another company’s product brand, so I wanted to be sure to deliver what they would want representing them. This meant building files in ways that were unfamiliar to me. Awesome! Learning! I love that! However, it also put me in the humbling position of having to ask a lot of questions and admitting that I didn’t know things. It made me feel stupid. I’m not stupid, but tell me that… I can’t fully hear it. Maybe that’s just me. I’m not sure. Due to schedules, it wasn’t really possible for me to have my questions answered, and I had to turn things over to be completed by the owner. I really feel defeated. Not only did I not deliver the final product, but I didn’t learn anything.
What can I learn from this? The one thing I know is that there must be communication for any endeavor to succeed. Communication needs to be scheduled, as much as any deliverables are. This is actually the real goal of AGILE or SCRUM, beyond any results. Communication is key. As humans, that’s what I bet LIFE is about, too. Not about any defeat over evil or wisdom, but COMMUNICATION. Communication development, for all of us.
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